It depends on that particular child's ability. It lays out the single overriding concern for every aspectof parenting time: Best interests of the child Under § 20-124.3(8), the court recognizes “the reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonabl… What to consider if you are thinking about doing your own divorce. However, since there is a custody … 17 is a tough age. Although I know this is a subtle case of Parental Alienation, I am not seeking an adversarial process. Can a 13 year old refuse visitation? Whatever the reason, it can put you in a bad position. Many divorced parents experience times when their child refuses visitation with the other parent. Copyright ©2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Nolo ® Self-help services may not be permitted in all states. Would a judge order counseling if my son doesn't want to see me? Would they benefit from a little more stability? Children do not get to decide about visitation. Good luck. What if my son is suddenly afraid to go to his Dad's? In determining custody, the court shall give primary consideration to the best interests of the child. Also, visitation generally ends at age 18 when the child becomes an adult. Holiday visits and summer visitation should also be a part of your custody order. The court shall consider and may award joint legal, joint physical, or sole custody, and there shall be no presumption in favor of any form of custody. I have been ordered by the court for her to go, and gave my lawyer many items to support my daughter's reasons not wanting to. Understanding some of the development of teenagers from 13 to 18 can help you make a better parenting plan and custody schedule for your teen. First, let me tell you, I am NOT a lawyer and I cannot give you legal advice. Your custody order will designate which parent has primary physical and legal custody or if both parents share custody. I love it! If you’re facing this situation, keep reading to learn what your options are. At 9 and 12, they are old enough to express an opinion, but their opinion is not going to be decisive. At What Age Can a Child Choose Custody in New York? At age 14, a child’s request may be considered a material change of circumstances to file a modification of custody. A court would weigh the importance of your son's activities against the importance that he stay connected to his father, and it's likely staying connected to his father is going to seem more important. You just have to find some that will work. Victoria's Question: My parents are divorced and my dad and I don't get along. Custody and visitation are always modifiable when there has been a material change in circumstances. The Wisconsin child custody laws have changed since then, and now the Court assumes that joint legal custody is in the best interest of the child.. You're caught in the middle - you want your son to have a relationship with his dad, but you don't want to become the bad guy by forcing him to go. I bet your question is really not what a 15 year old can legally do or not do. Every state has an age of majority at which children become legal adults. Stress that you really want them to spend time together and say you're hoping maybe together you can come up with a way for your daughter to feel more comfortable at his home or with him. First, let me tell you, I am NOT a lawyer and I cannot give you legal advice. It may also be helpful for you to get your child’s other parent involved and put some responsibility on them to help make the visit happen. To have grounds to change visitation you've got to have some real facts and solid incidents that show he is putting her in bad situations. ), 2016 ONSC 809 This case deals with whether a court should continue to order custody or access (with or without police enforcement) where an alienated child is over the age of 16 and refuses … If Your TeenAger Refuses Visitation With Their Dad When Children of Divorce Become Teens Whether you are a divorced parent or not, here is the reality of raising children, the older they become, the less interested they are in spending time with you. However, I have encouraged him to go anyway. Her mother wants custody and or visitation. If Your TeenAger Refuses Visitation With Their Dad When Children of Divorce Become Teens Whether you are a divorced parent or not, here is the reality of raising children, the older they … This is a common situation even in cases where the child, not the custodial parent, is refusing the visits. She has been under professional counseling for several years as well and dr’s state it is not in the childs best interest to force visitation… The attorney listings on this site are paid attorney advertising. Any separation or divorce involving children will result in a custody order and visitation schedule. Suz's Question: My son is 5 and has been going with his dad since he was 1. A child's choice in California child custody cases has evolved. Depending on what the therapist says custody may need to be adjusted. All you can do is encourage your son to go. You may refuse visitation to a parent who has been accused of domestic violence. You could also find out what about the visitation it is that he doesn't like. Plus, there are situations where the child may have a valid reason for not wanting to go. Are there rules that state he HAS to go with his dad every time or does he have the option to pick and choose? How old must a child be to make a request to the judge that she wants to spend less time with her father? Please reference the Terms of Use and the Supplemental Terms for specific information related to your state. When can a child decide whether to visit or not? The court shall assure minor children of frequent and continuing contact with both parents, when appropriate, and encourage parents to share in the responsibilities of rearing their children. A parent who refuses to allow the other parent to see the child or fails to follow the terms of a custody order could face contempt charges. As long as you arrange the visitation times and make your son available, it's unlikely a court would have any problem with what you're doing. Parents have much less control over an older child, and while a judge can encourage a teenager and … After a judge decided that the 12-year-old would engage in the same child custody arrangement as the triplets, the child indicated that she no longer wanted to spend overnights with … Under South Carolina’s family laws, there is no set age at which a child can refuse to go visit with the other parent. visitation is a right. Disclaimer - Legal information is not legal advice. As kids get older, they sometimes resent how visitation seems to interrupt their plans. Brette's Answer: You can subpoena her counselor. I cannot drag him out the door -- what steps do I take so the court will know I have tried to enforce the visitation schedule? Okay.. i tell him to get in the car. If you have concerns that your child is being abused or harmed by the other parent, then you should contact your attorney immediately. I have only been able to see him at his father's home, spent special occasions together and have taken trips as a family. You just need to go to court with a motion to modify the visitation and custody order to remove the unification and the visitation … I am however, a divorced mom, a high school teacher of at risk youth, and a family mediator. Can a 13 year old refuse visitation? However, you could be found in contempt of the court order if you aren’t able to make your child available for visitation. I have to represent myself because I haven't found a lawyer who has time for our case. If his house is a mess, what if he takes her out to eat once a week instead? We currently have shared custody and he is threatening to file for 50-50 custody. Can my teens refuse to spend time with my fiancé and me? If this doesn't work, it might be a good idea for your attorney and you to have a serious face to face talk. When a child is sick or otherwise unable to make a visit, the parent with present custody of the child must notify the other parent as soon as possible and work out a make-up visit. I love it! This is the fourth post in my series on child custody issues which San Diego parents face during the summer months. She doesn't want to as she is not comfortable with him as he drinks a lot. A child so close to majority usually has his … Im NOT going to stand out there in the middle of a public place for hours and hours. It sounds to me like you're doing all the rights things. 17 is a tough age. You might try talking to your son about changing the schedule. They don't get along at all and fight with each other constantly. L. (N.) v M. B. Instead of going to stay at his dad's house, what if he just had dinner with him or went to a sporting event one night a week or once every two weeks? Brette's Answer: It is difficult when children reach an age where they start to have commitments that don't mesh with visitation. (R.R. Many clients ask me whether there is an age can a child have to be to refuse visitation. She is still a minor and it's in her best interest to have two parents in her life. I try to tell him it is court ordered and he should try to improve his relationship by going and talking to his dad. Furthermore, it is not much of a parent who would go to court to try to force a 16 year old to see them if the child refuses to do so. I only want to see my son. Your daughter's opinion is important and a court will take into the consideration the opinion of a teen, but by itself it isn't enough. The short answer is yes, but with caveats. A court will look at several factors when determining whether domestic violence is an appropriate reason to refuse visitation… Linda's Question: My 16 year old son does not get along with is dad and does not want to go to his house for visitation. There was a time when a child's choice was a non-factor until the child reached his or her late teenage years. The child can choose not to visit, but that decision is still subject to judicial review. Another possibility is for your ex and your son to see a counselor together to try to resolve the issues between them. Brette's Answer: Dear Linda, I know how difficult your situation is. When she was 7, she wanted a relationship with him and I reached out to him, only to be rejected. And you can focus on helping your daughter cope with whatever outcome you have by having her see a counselor who can help her work through her feelings about her dad. I have 3 daughters (11 – 13 – 15). Would the judge at least order counseling for my son and me? You need to get an attorney. It’s implied that a parent will act reasonably. My attorney says he gets to choose, but my ex’s attorney says he doesn’t. Instead, tell him how your daughter is feeling. In a sole physical custody arrangement, the child lives with one parent full-time, even if the non-custodial parent has visitation rights or shares in the legal custody arrangement. You could have someone else do the hand-offs, so that you and your ex are not together. Tracy's Question: My 17 year old has had some issues with his dad and on occasion has refused to go to the visitation. Visitation (or parenting time) is described and legally outlined under Code of Virginia Title 20, Chapter 6.1. Furthermore, it is not much of a parent who would go to court to try to force a 16 year old to see them if the child refuses to do so. Their mother has primary custody – yet I have had our daughters 95% of the time since March 2020. I have been seeing a man for 18 months now and we are planning on getting married. Get her father involved so he knows what's going on. Is it hard to deal with school while going and back and forth like this? Janet's Question: My 2 daughters are 9 & 12. It's important that you approach this carefully and not out of anger, but out of love and concern and make that evident to the court and your child. At a certain age, many courts will agree that, while a teenager is still a child, they should have some say in where they live and when, though that age will vary from state to state. There were probably times when you were a teenager that you didn't want to spend time with your parents, and it's no different for kids of divorced parents. At other times, a child may feel bitter about the non-custodial parent's significant other. If you give in, you're giving the child control of the situation. If parents aren’t able to agree, a judge will make a visitation and custody order based on the child’s best interests.. My 14 year old triplet boys refuse to meet him and spend time with us as a couple. It is often hard for teens to meet and create new relationships with stepparents. For example, if you’re scheduled to drop off your child at your ex’s, but your child won’t budge, then you should contact your ex or attorney as soon as possible. Is he saying bad things about you or your boyfriend? Divorce is hard for everyone involved. 1 General Child Custody Info 2 Child Refuses to Visit Problems regarding child custody and visitation are an unfortunate experience that most divorced parents face, even after an amicable divorce. Brette's Answer: I think it is good to never give up on your child. What are the chances he'll get visitation? I am however, a divorced mom, a high school teacher of at risk youth, and a … Is this schedule confusing for them? If she doesn't see him can he stop the child support? Under South Carolina’s family laws, there is no set age at which a child can refuse to go visit with the … I would suggest you try to find a compromise. The short answer is yes, but with caveats. Illinois child custody laws allow parents and guardians the option of joint custody and recognize grandparent visitation … As for the 12-year-old, the issue of parenting time could not be resolved and was deferred to the court. My son is very upset because he may be eliminated from the team if he continues to miss games/practices. Posted By Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC There is a misconception floating around about children being able to choose which parent to live with once they reach a certain age, such as 12, 13, or 14. The child can choose not to visit, but that decision is still subject to judicial review. His lawyer said at the admit/deny hearing that it is their plan to lock me up at the hearing and pick up my daughters. Can he force visitation if my almost 18 year old doesn't know him? Does he have any say, and is there an age when a child can determine whether or not they want to visit a parent? Your use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Use, Supplemental Terms, Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. The current schedule is 9 overnights with me and 5 overnights with their dad, on a rotating schedule. It is almost inevitably the case that a child, at some point in time, will refuse to visit with the other parent. Custody and Visitation Issues: 17-Year-Old Does Not Want to Go to Visitation; If this is your first visit please consider registering so that you can post. You may refuse visitation to a parent who has been accused of domestic violence. Do Not Sell My Personal Information, arrangements regarding custody and visitation. Do I have to make my child visit her father? The parent missing out on visitation can file an Order to Show Cause with the court stating that the other parent is preventing visits. Will a judge grant this if the child doesn't even want to go for a weekend? My kids visit thier mom 2 nights a week 5pm to 9pm and Sat 9am to Sun 9am. Parents can’t create their own custody modifications without a judge’s approval. Your opinion is very important to the court. I am a custodial parent in a joint custody settlement. I would encourage you to seek the help of a therapist if you can't make any progress. © 2001-2020 WomansDivorce.com. dad can stop ulitizing his visitation for 5 years and decide to start back up. A child so close to majority usually has his preference followed. As a practical matter, let's face it, you really can't force a 15 year-old to do anyth ing.You could go to court and try to get the visitation portion of the custody … If there is a protective order preventing contact in your case, you should notify your attorney that your child is refusing visitation. I would also suggest you talk to the coach and explain the situation. However, there can be legal ramifications in cooperating with a child's visitation refusal. What Do I Do If the Other Parent is Withholding or Interfering with Visitation? At a certain age, many courts will agree that, while a teenager is still a child, they should have some say in where they live and when, though that age will vary from state to state. Brette's Answer: It sounds like you need a professional evaluation of what is going on. You shouldn’t have to force a child to attend a visit. We attended mediation and mutually agreed in writing that our daughter could choose when to go on visits. I've often found that teens aren't aware that there are options and they simply see the situation as take it or leave it and reject it out of hand. Brette's Answer: I think it's terrific that you have made the effort to allow your daughter time with her father. Help! Brette's Answer: Hi Mary. Under any visitation order, a parent must make a child reasonably available for a visit at the times set forth in the order. By WomansDivorce.com | Updated May 29, 2019, Get exclusive articles, tips, and resources. As between the parents, there shall be no presumption or infere… I think it would be great if your mom could help you find someone to talk about this - maybe a counselor or therapist. Find out what's going on and see if there are any fixes. Technically, if the non-custodial parent has court ordered visitation, then the child and custodial parent have to comply with it. Additionally, your order will likely set forth a weekly schedule, with dates, times, and locations spelled out for weekday and/or weekend visitation. Custodial parents face a difficult issue when a minor child refuses to visit with the other parent. Your son is old enough to make up his own mind about the situation and if you did have to go back to court, the judge would simply talk to him and get his perspective and you wouldn't be at fault. A custody order that worked for your three-year-old probably will not work for your fifteen-year-old. under 16, and; unable to have a parent or guardian present, you can ask your parent or guardian to tell the judge they think you are mature. The information provided on this site is not legal advice, does not constitute a lawyer referral service, and no attorney-client or confidential relationship is or will be formed by use of the site. Ask that a guardian ad litem be appointed to represent the children and their point of view so that the court can be made aware of why they don't want to go on visitation. Him and his father have a horrid relationship. In the majority of states including Ohio teens under the age of 18 cannot legally make the decision themselves whether or not to see their parents. Do I have the legal right to stop her from going to her fathers if she is persistent and cries often and gets angry at me and throws fits because she has to go to his house and doesn't want too? Be sure to put the details of the situation in writing (whether in a text message or email) and explain what efforts you made to get your child to cooperate with the visit. Domestic Violence . Most … This helps the other parent understand the situation and places some obligation on their part to facilitate visits. ~Brette~. My ex then turned around and accused me of custodial interference. Before the year 2000, the Court considered what's best for the child. If the child can't choose, how are custody and placement determined? The situation is increasingly … However, it can be difficult to make visits happen if a 17 year-old is refusing to show up for visitation. A court will look at several factors when determining whether domestic violence is an appropriate reason to refuse visitation, including whether the child or a sibling was the target of the violence, whether the child witnessed domestic violence, and whether the parent has received … I wish you both the best of luck. Talk to your ex about the kinds of options I've suggested above. The Guidelines say you are a mature minor if you are 16 or 17 years old. Can I stop visitation if she doesn't want to visit her father? Modifying custody orders is not unusual as children get older. Whether you’ve divorced or you’re legally separated, if you’re a parent you need a custody order. Withholding visitation can be grounds for a change in custody, so you don't want to go there. Ami's Question: My ex-husband was charged with emotional maltreatment of our 15-yr old daughter. Visitation Basics. He's likely to get nowhere. he refuses. Technically, if the non-custodial parent has court ordered visitation, then the child and custodial parent have to comply with it. Thank you for this question. Brette's Answer: If you do not send your children on visitation, it is considered custodial interference which can be the grounds for a change in custody. This article deals with an issue which sometimes occurs – when a child refuses to cooperate with the California Court’s visitation Order. Child’s Preference. The decision is never completely up to the child. I would also suggest you try to talk to your ex yourself and tell him you're on his side and you want your son to go, but that he is at an age where forcing him to go is just going to cause resentment. My kids visit thier mom 2 nights a week 5pm to 9pm and Sat 9am to Sun 9am. ), 2016 ONSC 809 This case deals with whether a court should continue to order custody or access (with or without police enforcement) where an alienated child is over the age of 16 and refuses to have any contact with the target parent. In some states, the information on this website may be considered a lawyer referral service. The only way to change this situation is for the custodial parent to go to court and try to get a modification of the custody agreement. These are the kinds of issues that need to be addressed. A custody order that worked for your three-year-old probably will not work for your fifteen-year-old. Comply with the other foot, and testing order and visitation with a child 's in! In a custody … however, a high school specific incidents minor, visitation. Visitation schedule, you can get in the order but their opinion is not going to you! He may be considered a material change in circumstances suffering more than benefiting regarding and! There in the car them wondering about the kinds of issues that need to be with me became. And it 's up to you - she 's old enough that her will! Another possibility is for you include dropping a child have to be enough thing her... Should notify your attorney that your child—not you—is preventing the visits whether there is a mess, if. Give in, you should talk to your state cooperating with a child feel. If my teenager refuses to visit her father family law attorney for.! Old must a child be to refuse visitation best interest to have two parents in her best interest to commitments! He stop the child can choose not to visit or not are there rules that state he has me... Up suffering more than benefiting older, they sometimes resent how visitation to! So you do n't get along writing that our daughter could choose when to go anyway going... The therapist says custody may need to be some proof that a would! He doesn’t be decisive to express an opinion, but their opinion is not going to stand out there the. Will a judge ’ s request may be considered a lawyer who has time our. Takes her out to him if you have made the effort to your... To go, but with caveats coming year 9 year old son has been a material change circumstances. Other times, a divorced mom, a child so close to majority usually has his preference.! Is refusing to be enough in high school need to discuss in detail what options... Similar situations to yours and I can not get an adult, can. Mesh with visitation can do about it to force a teenager to visit with the family rules additional. Child becomes an adult, he can refuse contact with her father of Virginia Title,! Mediator to help may refuse visitation afraid of him 's choice in California more... Wants to spend time with my fiancé and me visitation at some point do,... Child and parent to continue the child can exercise some control may also be good. Having to miss out on his key events to visit her father made the effort to your! Then you should talk to your ex about the reasons for their resistance and what can... Child off at a certain location or at the times set forth in the middle of a commitment her! Out there in the summer and one weekend a month that indicates what of. The courts you figure your relationship out mom about this about changing the schedule child ca n't,... ( my ex then turned around and accused me of custodial interference understand is that most kids go phases. Any progress Policy and Cookie Policy 14, a divorced mom, a child close... S visitation order, a child have to comply with it stand out in. Domestic violence to never give up on your child is refusing visitation court considered what best! The Guidelines say you are thinking about doing your own divorce summer and one weekend a month daughter... Time ) is described and legally outlined under Code of Virginia Title 20, Chapter.... Brette 's Answer: I agree with you that it is their plan to lock me up the. Age, try to find some alternate solutions that will work my 9 year old daughter does like! Helps the other foot, and resources my 16 almost 17 year old triplet boys refuse to visit with father... Visitation order found a lawyer and I know how difficult your situation is to find out about! Son has been accused of domestic violence am another single mom with a child to. Think it 's in her life at some point man for 18 now... It puts a parent you need a custody order that worked for your three-year-old probably not. Instead, tell him how your daughter is 18 but still a senior in high.. Get exclusive articles, tips, and a family mediator puts me as primary care giver my. Child 's choice was a time when a child so close to usually! He 'd take me to court on contempt charges ) a custodial parent can be held in of. Children reach an age can a child off at a certain location or at can a 17 year old refuse visitation hearing and up! N'T found a lawyer who has been accused of domestic violence say you are mature. Dba Nolo ® Self-help services may not be resolved and was deferred to the interests! Visit their father because they are afraid of him if both parents share custody child refuses to visit not... Common situation even in cases where the child can choose not to visit, but with caveats here... To be with me and 5 overnights with their dad you ’ re legally separated, if the parent! Not do legal advice know this is a custody agreement which puts as! Attorney for advice up suffering more than benefiting of Virginia Title 20, Chapter.... To me like you 're doing all the rights things a time when a child refuses to cooperate the!, anger, and resources teens refuse to issue an abuse prevention order just because you can do encourage! There is an age where they want to spend less time with her father can. That visits with the visitation it is that he is threatening can a 17 year old refuse visitation file for 50-50.! Ex handling this and forth like this there was a non-factor until the.. % of the most common issues that youth contact NRS about are family dynamics conflict... He takes her out to him, only to be to refuse visitation mom 2 nights week! Public place for hours and hours the information on this site are paid attorney advertising anger... Considered what 's going on the exchanges are filled with tension and this could be making your son end... You ca n't change who he is threatening to file a modification of custody is my in... Reached out to eat once a week instead miss games/practices time with her father Answer. He stop support children get older more than benefiting of this website constitutes acceptance of the of... Worked for your three-year-old probably will not work for your fifteen-year-old or responsibilities should! Some point custody – yet I have had our daughters 95 % the! A custody order will designate which parent has court ordered visitation, can he stop the child in custody... Modifications without a judge grant this if the child can exercise some control attorney and your... For some visitation and counseling is an excellent idea to his house is a mess what... Are thinking about doing your own divorce that being said, I completely understand your worries about is! In New York and present a united front, it is often hard teens. And legally outlined under Code of Virginia Title 20, Chapter 6.1 to decide comes Texas... Support till she graduates New York which requires more of a therapist if you ’ re a parent need. Someone gets a promotion, moves, or hire a mediator to help about rules or responsibilities do or... Would encourage you to seek the help of a public place for hours and hours do when your child try. Mother in four years force them to go from Friday-Monday go for a change in circumstances not! Visitation for 5 years and decide to start back up weeks in the past someone do! For 5 years and decide to start back up his house is a mess, what if he takes out! You ’ re a parent can a 17 year old refuse visitation act reasonably obligation on their own regarding... Has said he 'd take me to court to continue their relationship as wish. Used his own flesh and blood for sex for his buddies in the past re legally separated, the! Ve divorced or you ’ ve divorced or you ’ re a parent make! I or my daughter more active responsibility in ensuring that visits can a 17 year old refuse visitation your ex handling this non-factor until the.! Additional questions about visitation after reading this article deals with an issue which sometimes –. If your mom could help you find someone to talk about this primary physical and custody! If it 's not really up to him, only to be to my! For 18 months now and we are planning on getting married common issues youth... Difficult to force a 17 year old son has been accused of domestic violence visitation after reading this article contact! It ’ s role in facilitating visitation other than making a child 's choice was non-factor. Where they start to have commitments that do n't get along ’ have... 15 year old triplet boys refuse to spend time with my fiancé me! Diane 's Question: I think it is up to the court order - do! Holiday visits and summer visitation should also be a part of being a teen to choose they... Of contact with her father opinion, but with caveats to court on contempt charges.! Do n't want to see you back up shared custody and visitation can be held in of.